Archive | July, 2013

Wordless Wednesday – 7/31/13

31 Jul

Always, always, always a bridesmaid

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How Do You Heal A Broken Heart?

30 Jul

I’m not afraid to admit that on Monday nights my guilty pleasure is watching The Bachelorette, and I honestly tend to enjoy watching The Bachelorette more than just The Bachelor. Call me a hopeless romantic, a sap, whatever.

I love, love. That first meeting and the story behind it. The first kiss, where was it? Was it memorable? Who said “I love you” first and when did you know. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my own personal love life up to this point has been anything but a fairy tale, that I cling to these wonderfully bliss moments others get to have.

Anyways, this season, the lucky lady to attempt to find love on national television is Desiree (Des). She was rejected by last season’s bachelor after the hometown dates (there were only four girls left.) It was devastating to see her sent home as it appeared they shared a deep connection. But in the end it just wasn’t meant to be, and I personally think she is better off without him.

Fast forward and she becomes the new bachelorette. It’s her turn to find love and call the shots and “plan”  the dates (yeah right, we all know there’s a team who really does this, what I wouldn’t give to have their jobs! I bet they get to try everything out before deciding on the PERFECT dates!).

I wont waste my time filling you in on what’s happened all season, I’m sure there are plenty of other blogs out there that record that for the masses. I would however like to focus on the events of last night’s part one of the finale.

I don’t typically become emotionally involved with reality television, it’s not as if I know the people personally or that their decisions are going to have a drastic impact on my life (well, at least not to my knowledge), but last night Des had her heart-broken by Brooks, the one guy she has said over and over (to the audience, never to him directly because that’s against the rules) was the guy for her, the one she loves, the perfect husband she has been looking for. And if that’s not enough, not only did she have her heart-broken by the man of her dreams, it happened on a gorgeous island and she was blind-sided, she never could have seen or guessed it was coming.

My heart physically ached as I watched her try to make sense of what was happening and when her first tears started to fall, so did mine. And then I became angry as I watched Brooks sit there and hug her and try to comfort her instead of doing her a favor and leaving.

I wasn’t sure if I was going to post about this experience at all, but it has been on my mind all day and I fear the only way I’ll get to sleep tonight is if I write it all down. So here it is, the honest truth of my reaction to her heart-break – I felt as if I was watching a movie of myself from nearly a year ago.

I wont get into the details, but there I was, starry-eyed and madly in love. But it wasn’t meant to be as one night I found myself in a ball on my bathroom floor, physically sick because of the pain of feeling rejected, unwanted, unloved, and unimportant to the one person who meant more to me than the air in my lungs. I cried for hours. The tears eventually dried up and quit falling, however that didn’t seem to matter as I tried desperately to close the hole that was now where my heart once was. The edges were raw and ragged and the space was gaping. Hugging myself as tight as I could still couldn’t bring the edges any closer to touching.

For a long time I didn’t eat. I didn’t sing or smile or laugh. I cried and when that didn’t help, I ran. But you can’t outrun the voices in your head that reinforce what you’ve always feared — who would love you? You are nothing. You aren’t beautiful or pretty or smart. And after a while you start to believe them, because when your heart is in a million pieces and you don’t have a guide on how to put it back together, those thoughts somehow seem 100% truthful.

Now, I don’t know how Des was feeling in that moment of heartache as she’d only known the guy for a few months – I on the other hand had a year and a half and I worried myself for no reason trying to pin-point the moment everything went wrong. “What did I do? What did I say? Just tell me what it was and I’ll fix it. I’m sorry I’m not good enough. I’ll try harder.”

For me, there was no closure. There was no reason behind how or why it happened. And there never will be. I have my suspicions as to what happened, but I wont say on here, it doesn’t matter anyways. He chose someone else.

With Des, at least her guy confessed he didn’t love her and knew that he wasn’t ready to make a commitment at the end of the show. To give him credit, he saved them both untold amounts of heartache down the road by being honest with her before they got that far, as painful as it was to watch.

But I don’t want to end this on a sad note, because 99.8% I’m not sad anymore. (There are those days that jump out at me out of the blue and attack me with memories and conversations or I’ll see or hear something that I’ll instantly want to share with him only to remember that to him, it’s as if I never existed in the first place, and that’s the worst feeling in the world. To know you are so easily forgotten by someone you will never forget.)

I have somehow moved on. There’s someone new. He saw me in the mist of that dark nightmare of heartache and promised to find and reassemble my broken heart, and he’s done a very good job. He makes me smile and laugh again. And tells me I’m beautiful and that he loves me. He couldn’t possibly know how thankful I am that he’s in my life. Everyday I ask what I did to have a wonderful guy like him interested in plain-Jane me. He reminds me what it feels like to receive love. And he’s been patient with me as I take down the walls around my heart so I can give him love in return.

Who knows, maybe this time we’ll find the happily ever after, the fairy-tale I’ve been dreaming up.

As for Des and her search for love, the nation is holding its breath until all is revealed next Monday night, will she choose one of the two remaining men? Send them both home? Give up? Hold out for Brooks to change his mind?

So many questions left unanswered….

Humidity Smack Down

26 Jul

Today I am missing Florida a little more than usual, call it a “home-sickness” type of feeling if you will, or maybe it’s because in the last week we have dropped 20 degrees in temperature and it feels more like mid-September than late-July outside. Whatever the reason, I began thinking about the summer I arrived in Orlando, Florida to begin my journey on The Disney College Program. (I can’t believe it’ll be three years ago in August. Where did the time go?!)  And that got me thinking about the Florida heat (not the basketball team) and how I thought I was going to DIE when I stepped out of the airport all those years ago….

Back story:

I was accepted to the Disney College Program as an intern at Walt Disney World in Florida for the Fall 2010 program which meant  I will left in August and was supposed to come home in January 2011, however I extended my program twice and managed to live at and work at Disney for an entire year. I started my program in the Quick Food and Beverage Service at Disney’s Animal Kingdom in Restaurantosaurus.

I left for Florida on a Tuesday morning, and I woke up kind of sad knowing that I would soon be leaving everything I knew behind. My dad flew down with me and our flight was at 11:13am. Dad and I didn’t really have long to wait for our flight. While we were sitting at the gate waiting, across from us were two people about my age.  I couldn’t help but noticed the girl’s shoes. They were crocks with MICKEY HEAD shaped holes on top! As I looked closer, I noticed she also had a Disney name plaque on her bag. He was wearing a shirt with a bunch of vintage looking Mickeys on it. Got me wondering if they were just excited to A.) Be going to Disney on vacation or B.) Maybe they were Cast Members, too. I wish now that I would have asked. Oh, well.

Once on the plane, I started to cry again as we pulled out of the gate. I guess a wave of homesickness hit me as I thought “The next time I see this airport there could be snow on the ground.” That first time coming into the Orlando airport was kind of freaky. We were really low in the air when we passed over a major road and it looked like we were going to hit a truck! I’ll admit, I kind of freaked a bit.

Welcome to Orlando where it is 20 degrees hotter than home. I walked outside and felt like I had walked into a brick wall. It was going to take some getting use to. It took us about a half an hour to get from the airport to the Double Tree Resort at Downtown Disney where we were staying. Dad and I stayed in our room for a little bit to cool off before venturing out to find something to eat for dinner.

We had passed a McDonald’s coming to the resort and decided it wasn’t that far away, we’d walk over there. On our way, we stopped so Dad could take my picture in front of the Welcome to Walt Disney World sign.

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I also took pictures of the Mickey sign and the Minnie sign. Then we had to cross 5 or 6 lanes of traffic to get to our destination, the coolest McDonald’s I have ever seen. To be honest, I just liked the palm trees!

McDonald's at Downtown Disney

We decided to stay at the McDonald’s for a while because we were gross from walking there…I felt like I was dripping with sweat! And it was tiring on my lungs, I felt like I was having a harder time breathing here than back home, not good for the asthma! (But I am happy to say it didn’t take me long to acclimate to the climate and temperature change and soon found Florida to be just the right place for me health wise!)

When we headed back to the hotel, we passed a guy running and I can remember thinking that guy was NUTS! I was waiting for my skin to melt off my bones and there he was CHOOSING to elevate his internal body temperature by exercising! But good for him, and I’m sure that since he was use to the heat (I’m assuming he was, nice dark tan and all) that he knew when it was too hot for an outdoor run. But I’ll tell you what, I have never been so thankful for AC as I was when we arrived back at our room.

And then a few days later because I hadn’t been properly introduced to the Florida sun, during one of my first training classes as a Disney Cast Member I got to go out and explore Magic Kingdom in the early afternoon (i.e. when the sun is at its highest). It was a surprise to us all. Can you just picture it…30 plus brand new cast members all dressed up in business clothing (heels included) walking around Magic Kingdom. Now, let me tell you, it was exciting but uncomfortable  at the same time. It was 90 something degrees but felt more like it was 101 and there we were out in the sun! But I loved every minute of it. Here’s what I was wearing in the hot Florida sun while “melting” in Magic Kingdom on my first day….at least I looked cute!

Disney Tradition's OutfitIn the end, when I left Florida in August 2011, I barely noticed how hot is was, it just felt comfortable to me and I KNEW when it dropped below 70 degrees because I would start shivering! I knew I was going to miss the heat. When I returned home it was in the 60s and even wearing hoodies and socks, I FROZE.  As I mentioned above, it’s been almost 3 years now since I started my journey in Florida and I am still trying to re-acclimate to the cooler temperatures here in the fall and winter….and lets be honest, for a good part of our summer, too. I guess I was just meant to live in the Florida sunshine where it’s warm!


Zebra Garden

Wordless Wednesday – 7/24/13

24 Jul

They DO exist!! [Gasp!]

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Watching History in the Making

23 Jul

For the past 9 months the world has eagerly awaited the arrival of England’s newest royal. Bets were placed – will Kate and William have a boy or a girl? Will the child have red hair? Who will he or she resemble more — mom or dad?

I have to be honest, I was not one of the super crazy people who stocked the social media and tabloids searching for every last detail of the royal pregnancy — I have a life of my own ya know.

But, the last 48 hours I was swept up in the excitement as were many people around the globe. When I woke up Monday morning (5:30 AM EST) the first thing I saw on Twitter was the announcement that Kate was at the hospital. A groggy me wished her a speedy delivery (having never had a child of my own and recently hearing the labor stories of my co-workers and cousins, I really could only go on what I’ve been told about childbirth and that is that it can be long, tiring and very painful).

At the office, we were giddy as we awaited the news of the birth. A radio personality informed me that a prince had been born while I was on my drive home from work. Personally, I felt that was somewhat anticlimactic — she didn’t even sound excited as she shared the joyous news with me. Okay, so we don’t live in England but it’s still something that should be shared with a positive inflection in your voice.  I mean, if nothing else, a new life was brought into the world that wasn’t here the day before and both mother and baby are safe, healthy and resting well.

And that brings me to today….again we were all excited at the office when we heard William, Kate and the royal baby were going to be making an appearance on the iconic staircase outside the hospital this afternoon (well, I guess it was evening over there with the 5 hour time difference.) And so we had our live-feeds going, determined not to miss anything!

Royal Baby, The Lion King Circle of Life momentAs a Disney fanatic, I LOVED this tweet! It really did seem like a Lion King “Circle of Life” moment. While they didn’t hold the little prince high above their heads or have a monkey spread red jelly-goop on his forehead, it was just as meaningful, probably more so as this was real life.

And then the moment arrived and there they were, the beautiful, happy royal family with their new precious bundle!

Prince William, Kate and the royal babyWhile his face was mostly covered, I couldn’t help but find it adorable to see his little fingers poking out above his blanket, waving to the world as if to say “Hello! I’m here! Thank you for celebrating with mom and dad!”

The royal baby

At only a day old, this little prince has no idea of the excitement that surrounded his arrival or the title which he holds. It is amazing to think that one day, this little 8lb. 6oz. baby boy will be King of England, and when the time arrives for his firstborn to arrive, he could be standing on the very steps repeating history as his father has done today.

The Royal Baby

I can’t help but wonder what was going through Kate’s mind. Has it really sunk in yet that she will be raising a future King? In our tech savvy world, I find it amazing that we will get to watch as the littlest royal grows up. (Is this what people felt like when Prince William was born….that was before my time by 6 ish years!) What will it be like to grow up with the world watching your every move? But then again, as this will be all he ever knows, it will be his normal. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for this little baby. Knowing who his parents are, I think it is safe to assume we can expect great things from him. I believe they will teach him to be kind and loyal, humility and the joy of giving service.

And speaking of the future, I hope they announce his name soon! In my opinion a name is a very important thing, it is something that begins to define who you are before you are ever aware of it. You grow into in and it molds to reflect you so perfectly that many people can’t imagine ever being called anything else.

My top choices for boys names for the little royal: Alexander, Edward and David.

(Side note: I really hope they don’t choose George, I’ve never liked that name — sorry to any George’s out there who happen to read my blog. I’m sure you are a wonderful person. And it’s okay if you don’t like my name.)   

 

Wordless Wednesday – 7/17/13

17 Jul

King of the…garden?

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Haunted Sleepover

11 Jul

Inspired by the sleepover tale I read on The Waiting‘s blog, I felt the need to join the sleepover reminiscing conversation.

My best friend and I had a pattern when it came to sleepovers, alternating weekends between her house and mine. This particular tale takes place while we were camped out at her house. I don’t recall the specific time period, somewhere between eighth grade and freshmen year in high school. I want to say it was sometime during the summer, possibly July, around her birthday?!

As I mentioned, we had a pattern…order pizza with extra cheese and green olives, have it delivered and pray its the cute pizza guy when we open the door, watch 10 Things I Hate About You while unladylike devouring said pizza and quoting the movie word for word between bites. Throw in some gossip about who we were crushing on at the time, some hair styling and nail painting, ice cream sundaes and crashing around 2 or 3 A.M. Typical sleepover for us.

However, on the night in question, a twist was added. It was HER bright idea (and I say this as lovingly and sarcastically as only a true friend can) to watch the movie IT. There are two major things you need to understand about me: 1. I’m not afraid of clowns. I think they are funny and in a weird circus kind-of-way, cute. 2. I don’t handle scary movies well AT ALL. period. The end.

She didn’t tell me what she was putting in, just that it was a movie she knew for a fact I hadn’t seen. Let me set the stage a little: it’s close to midnight, we are the only two in the family room, her family had gone to bed, the dog outside was quiet and the evening had an eerie stillness to it.

I don’t recall much of the movie, probably because I sat huddled into the corner of the couch in as tight of a little ball as I could make myself with my hands over my eyes, wishing I couldn’t hear the sounds coming from the tv. When the movie ended I let out a sigh of relief, I had survived that. The worst was over, we could return to our previously scheduled pedicures and junk food induced comas.

That’s when I heard the floor boards creak. Wait, where did that shadow come from?!? Heart-racing and nerves on edge my best friend and I slowly made our way towards the kitchen. That’s when her younger brother jumped out from his hiding spot to scare us. I’ll admit it, I probably screamed for dear life. He retreated back to his room, he’d had his fun for the evening and we went back to watch a comedy.

And then the scratching on the kitchen windows began. At first we thought he was trying to pull another prank, but sneaking into his room, we discovered he and their other brother were both asleep. The scratching continued. I think it was starting to unnerve my friend at this point too, but she’d never admit it, she always seemed braver than me. Cautiously, looking out the window revealed the old tree in the backyard by the doghouse was to blame for all the racket. Back to the movie we went, ice cream in hand to calm the nerves.

Not much later her dog starts growling and barking and making such a fuss we worried she’d wake the neighbors. Flashlight in one hand, a kitchen knife in the other, we ventured out into the backyard to confront whatever was irritating the dog. (In retrospect, this was rather stupid on our part, but what did we know?) The source of the irritation, two red birthday balloons tangled in the fenced-in dog pen. Those weren’t there 20 minutes ago and we had no idea where they possibly could have come from or how they had gotten so tangled and knotted in the fence to the point that we cut them loose with the kitchen knives. Mission accomplished as the balloons hauntingly floated away into the night sky never to be seen again.

By now we are exhausted and I’ve had about all the excitement I could take at the moment, my poor heart was going to burst if one more thing happened. That was about the exact same time we discovered we were LOCKED OUT of her house!! Everyone is sleeping, we don’t have cell phones and I swear I hear something that wants to eat us lurking in the woods. Thank goodness for spare keys, only problem, it was at the front of the house which meant we had to go trucking through the “jungle” of tall grass and weeds in our bare feet to reach the key. Beware of your step, you never know what creepy crawlers are lurking in the night.

Finally we are safe and sound inside the house and The Boogeyman is locked outside. I don’t know how but my friend quickly falls asleep. I lay awake over analyzing every little noise I heard for the rest of the night, my muscles locked and ready to spring to my feet and flee for my life should the situation arise. Needless to say, I went home later that morning and finally slept peacefully in my bed, comforted by my familiar surroundings.

One may think an evening like that would have me reconsidering overnight stays at my friend’s house, but I returned multiple times after that for more exciting, if slightly less terrifying sleepovers. But that was a night I will never forget…

Zebra Garden