My Heart is so Jet Lagged

7 Aug

Have you ever had a song say everything you couldn’t? The lyrics were as if they were written about your life, your situation, your problem. The combination of notes and rhythms sink down and touch that hidden and very private part of your soul.

I’ve mentioned it before, and I’ll say it again, I’m a music person. Not only do I express myself with words and writing, I also connect with music and singing. The emotion a single song can bring out in me would be embarrassing if it were a part of my personality I didn’t 100% embrace and accept. I had such an experience tonight.

The song of the day, week, month, well you get the idea, is Simple Plan’s “Jet Lag” ft. Natasha Bedingfield. Not familiar with it? Have a listen:

The song is about a couple who for whatever reason are thousands of miles and multiple time zones apart. It’s unclear for how long they’ve been away from each other, but you can tell it’s wearing on them.

What time is it where you are?
I miss you more than anything
And back at home you feel so far
Waitin’ for the phone to ring
It’s gettin’ lonely livin’ upside down
I don’t even wanna be in this town
Tryin’ to figure out the time zones makin’ me crazy

Welcome to my life because I know EXACTLY what this feels like. If you would have told me three years ago that I’d be in a long distance relationship (LDR) I would have said you were talking to the wrong girl. I didn’t believe in them. How could they possibly work? What kind of life would it be if you couldn’t see and be with your significant other nearly every day? Who in their right mind would want that? And why?

The answer apparently, is I would. Not once, but twice. (Twice leaves a nasty after-taste in my mouth.) You would have thought I’d learned my lesson the first time around but it’s not that simple. Both relationships, both guys are so completely different, I didn’t hesitate (okay, so I did a little the second time because I was, and still sometimes am, terrified of getting hurt again).  It’s hard when you feel like you’re the one “left-behind.” You wonder, will the distance make the heart grow fonder as the saying goes, or will they forget about you quickly when someone there, who happens to resemble you, shows interest in them? Yes, on point number two I’m speaking from experience with LDR number one. Which brings me to:

You say good morning
When it’s midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
I wake up to your sunset
And it’s driving me mad
I miss you so bad
And my heart, heart, heart is so jet-lagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jet-lagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jet-lagged, is so jet-lagged

Long distance relationships are hard — emotionally, mentally, physically. There is a hole where your heart should be in the shape of that person because they aren’t around to fill the void. You see couples out in public laughing, holding hands, kissing, looking lovingly into each other’s eyes and at first you get so jealous you fear your eyes will start blazing neon green. You don’t want to be around couples because it reminds you you’re alone, even though technically you AREN’T alone status wise.

But all that isn’t nearly as bad as the phantom memories — the memory of their touch that is so real that if you’d close your eyes and concentrate hard you’d swear they were right there. At the most inconvenient moments you’ll remember what their hand feels like in yours, the way he’d brush your hair off your cheek and kiss your forehead. Or how much you love his hugs, the ones that seal you off from the world if only for a few moments, so it’s just the two of you, together. And don’t forget his voice – you’ll get goosebumps thinking about the way he’d whisper in your ear because he knew it would tickle and make you laugh.

Having these memories attack during the day is one thing, but when they creep into your dreams that’s another. You’ll wake and be even more lonely because for a fleeting moment you believe they are there with you. However, when the haze of sleepiness clears and you realize your mistake, it will be as if the world comes crashing down around you.

And now you may be wondering, if it’s so terrible, why suffer? Why not cut your losses?

I miss you so bad [x5]
I wanna share your horizon
I miss you so bad
And see the same sun rising
I miss you so bad
And turn the hour hand back to when you were holding me.

Because I know it’s not forever — it may feel that way now, but it’s only a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things really. And when you find someone who makes you feel special and beautiful and important and most importantly wanted and loved, wouldn’t you do anything to be with them? Even if it means living 1200 miles away for a while? At least we have cell phones and video calls and the internet. I don’t even want to think about how miserable this would be if I had to wait 2 – 3 weeks for a letter to come in the mail.

[HAND-WRITTEN LETTERS ARE ROMANTIC. IT LETS YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER KNOW YOU TOOK THE TIME OUT OF YOUR DAY TO THINK ABOUT WHAT TO WRITE TO THEM AND ONLY THEM. IT’S A DYING ART AND NEEDS TO MAKE A COME BACK. I PERSONALLY, LOVE GETTING SNAIL MAIL, JUST THROWING THAT OUT THERE.] 

But back to the song, I cried because it mirrored my current situation so much. I know I’ll get to see him soon (56 days 2 hours 47 minutes, but who’s counting?). But there are days it just feels like time is standing still. And those are the days when I want nothing more than to live in the memories, hopeful for when we’re reunited. It’s not much to go on, but it’s gotten me this far and I’m not about to give it all up now. I’m still holding out for the fairy tale, we just seem to be in the opening chapters at present time. But every story has to start somewhere I guess…

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2 Responses to “My Heart is so Jet Lagged”

  1. Lovergirl August 15, 2013 at 9:48 pm #

    Thank you for writing this post. Thank you!

    • mgibbon2 August 15, 2013 at 9:49 pm #

      I’m glad you liked it. Sometimes the only way to process all the feelings is to write it down and put it out there. Are you in the same boat?

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