Tag Archives: LDR

Never Enough Time…

24 Nov

It’s been 21 whole days without his embrace, holding his hand, and being wrapped in the tightest, most perfect hug I’ve ever received. 21 whole days waking up without him here. 21 whole days of breaking out into tears at least once and not fully understanding what triggered them, but knowing in my heart they are the tears of missing him that I can no longer hold inside. The whole first month afer saying “see you soon” is always the hardest on me.

Long distance relationships (LDRs) are not for the easily distracted or the weak-hearted. These types of relationships are for those willing to put in the hard-work and dedication to someone they’ll only see and be with in person half a dozen days out of the year. LDRs can be complicated with opposite schedules and technology that doesn’t always work.

Days can be a long time or a short time depending on your point of view. These two photos were taken 7 whole days apart….an example of not enough time.

There’s never enough time when you’re finally reunited with the one you love. Time simultaneously speeds up and freezes. And now, sitting here reminiscing, I can replay each moment as if it has just happened. My fluttering heart when he greeted me by surprise at the resort checkin counter. Hurrying through the rain at Disney Springs (I really hate that they changed the name from Downtown Disney) just so I could get the Holiday Sandwich at Earl of Sandwich and a chocolate milkshake at Ghirardelli. And wondering around Disney Quest, the first time I’d been back inside since my last shift as a Cast Member there in May 2011. I beat Scott and two other guys at the Mighty Ducks Pinball Slam game, it was awesome! And then returning to the resort that first night and falling asleep while watching a movie and listening to his heartbeat.

This vacation was filled with the little, everyday moments I spend most days longing for. Rides in the car, meals together, holding hands while waking around somewhere, sideways glances and bright smiles, opportunities to make each other laugh and capturing our favorite moments with photos.

We had many adventures in our short visit – Mickey’s Not-So-Scary Halloween Party in our matching Haunted Mansion Hat Box Ghost glow-in-the-dark shirts his mom got us, Food and Wine at Epcot, riding around on the monorail waiting for the fireworks to start, and riding his attraction three times just so I could find him at work! (Don’t ask where that is, I’ll never tell!)

But this time, we also found our adventures taking us outside the happiest place on Earth to downtown Orlando for a dentist appointment one day and a wedding on another, Halloween night to be exact. Scott was a groomsman in the wedding and I was his guest! Our first wedding as a couple! We even got to see the Orlando Eye all lit up on our drive back to the resort after the reception.

And then, when we were lost in the wonder of being together and not paying attention to the time passing, it was time for me to return home. This time was going to be particularly difficult for me as I know I won’t be returning to Walt Disney World for a few years (time to do the grown-up, money saving, budget planning, returning to school for my master’s degree to improve my future type of thing), which meant not knowing when we’d see each other next. But, because Scott is the most perfect guy for me, he had several surprises waiting for me to make getting on the pain less sad.

And to top it off, we are now planning his FIRST trip to my home state for him to FINALLY meet my family! Needless to say, I’m just a little, okay A LOT EXCITED! IS IT JANUARY YET?! Yes, long distance relationships are hard, stressful and sometimes lonely (especially as we prepare to go into yet another holiday season), but like so many things in this world, that is all forgotten the instant you are reunited with the one you love and discover like always how easily you pick up right where you left off from last time as if no time has even passed at all.

And just for fun, a couple of my favorite pictures from this trip! There’s so many though, so I don’t know how I’ll choose! Enjoy and stay strong my long distance friends! We’re one day closer to being with the other halves of our hearts!

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Five years later

19 Sep

I can’t believe it was five years ago today I went on my first date with this handsome, funny, sweet, charming, Disney loving man. I was only one month into my adventure on The Disney College Program, and he was there on the program as well – only difference being he’d been in Florida since May. 

We spent the day exploring Epcot. It was only my third time in Epcot as a cast member and my second time backstage. All day long he made me laugh, pointed out hidden Mickey’s and shared his vast Disney knowledge. 

I didn’t know it at the time, but I was falling head over heals for him. There was just something about him that made me instantly happier, comfortable and more at ease. It was a very natural feeling to go strolling around World Showcase hand-in-hand….I wondered how that could be when I’d only met him a week earlier! But like a moth to a flame, I was drawn in and never hesitated.

My favorite moment from that day, and I have often thought back to it, has nothing to do with rides, attractions or shows. We were merely standing in line at one of the outdoor food vendors in the England pavilion so Scott could order fish and chips. He pulled me in to give me a hug and whispered something funny in my ear (I don’t recall what it was now). As I was laughing, I saw this elderly hispanic couple walk past us heading towards the Canada pavilion. I saw her squeeze the man’s hand, tilt her head in our direction, and looking straight at me, she said “amor.” I didn’t retain many vocabulary words from my four years of high school Spanish, but that one I knew – love. 

“Could she be right?” “There’s no possible way, I just met this guy!” “She’s crazy – the Florida sun must be getting to her or something.” “Can I love someone without really knowing them?”

This whole exchange, which Scott missed because his back was to them, took place in a matter of seconds, and yet, it has stayed with me. Did they see something in us I couldn’t see? Or maybe she saw herself at my age and was reflecting on being young and in love. 

Whatever it was, what I wouldn’t give to find that woman today, just so I could give her a hug and tell her she was right! To this day, when he looks at me I radiate love. When he takes my hand, our fingers are like perfectly fitting puzzle pieces sliding home. And when he kisses me, oh the butterflies! (This song describes all of my feelings perfectly.) 

I am madly, deeply, truly in love with this man – and if the years have taught me anything, I will do whatever it takes to keep that love burning bright and strong. And I am so excited to see him in 38 days, being a long distance couple really stinks sometimes, but it’s all worth it once we are back together!! 😍😘❤️     

Wordless Wednesday – 4/8/15

8 Apr

FaceTime date at The Carousel of Progress at Walt Disney World! ❤️

 

Wordless Wednesday – 4/2/14

2 Apr

 Missing him already. 😥

Mariah & Scott in fron of Cinderella's Castle

Wordless Wednesday – 12/11/13

11 Dec

It’s beginning to feel and look like a long distance Christmas… 😦
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My Heart is so Jet Lagged

7 Aug

Have you ever had a song say everything you couldn’t? The lyrics were as if they were written about your life, your situation, your problem. The combination of notes and rhythms sink down and touch that hidden and very private part of your soul.

I’ve mentioned it before, and I’ll say it again, I’m a music person. Not only do I express myself with words and writing, I also connect with music and singing. The emotion a single song can bring out in me would be embarrassing if it were a part of my personality I didn’t 100% embrace and accept. I had such an experience tonight.

The song of the day, week, month, well you get the idea, is Simple Plan’s “Jet Lag” ft. Natasha Bedingfield. Not familiar with it? Have a listen:

The song is about a couple who for whatever reason are thousands of miles and multiple time zones apart. It’s unclear for how long they’ve been away from each other, but you can tell it’s wearing on them.

What time is it where you are?
I miss you more than anything
And back at home you feel so far
Waitin’ for the phone to ring
It’s gettin’ lonely livin’ upside down
I don’t even wanna be in this town
Tryin’ to figure out the time zones makin’ me crazy

Welcome to my life because I know EXACTLY what this feels like. If you would have told me three years ago that I’d be in a long distance relationship (LDR) I would have said you were talking to the wrong girl. I didn’t believe in them. How could they possibly work? What kind of life would it be if you couldn’t see and be with your significant other nearly every day? Who in their right mind would want that? And why?

The answer apparently, is I would. Not once, but twice. (Twice leaves a nasty after-taste in my mouth.) You would have thought I’d learned my lesson the first time around but it’s not that simple. Both relationships, both guys are so completely different, I didn’t hesitate (okay, so I did a little the second time because I was, and still sometimes am, terrified of getting hurt again).  It’s hard when you feel like you’re the one “left-behind.” You wonder, will the distance make the heart grow fonder as the saying goes, or will they forget about you quickly when someone there, who happens to resemble you, shows interest in them? Yes, on point number two I’m speaking from experience with LDR number one. Which brings me to:

You say good morning
When it’s midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
I wake up to your sunset
And it’s driving me mad
I miss you so bad
And my heart, heart, heart is so jet-lagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jet-lagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jet-lagged, is so jet-lagged

Long distance relationships are hard — emotionally, mentally, physically. There is a hole where your heart should be in the shape of that person because they aren’t around to fill the void. You see couples out in public laughing, holding hands, kissing, looking lovingly into each other’s eyes and at first you get so jealous you fear your eyes will start blazing neon green. You don’t want to be around couples because it reminds you you’re alone, even though technically you AREN’T alone status wise.

But all that isn’t nearly as bad as the phantom memories — the memory of their touch that is so real that if you’d close your eyes and concentrate hard you’d swear they were right there. At the most inconvenient moments you’ll remember what their hand feels like in yours, the way he’d brush your hair off your cheek and kiss your forehead. Or how much you love his hugs, the ones that seal you off from the world if only for a few moments, so it’s just the two of you, together. And don’t forget his voice – you’ll get goosebumps thinking about the way he’d whisper in your ear because he knew it would tickle and make you laugh.

Having these memories attack during the day is one thing, but when they creep into your dreams that’s another. You’ll wake and be even more lonely because for a fleeting moment you believe they are there with you. However, when the haze of sleepiness clears and you realize your mistake, it will be as if the world comes crashing down around you.

And now you may be wondering, if it’s so terrible, why suffer? Why not cut your losses?

I miss you so bad [x5]
I wanna share your horizon
I miss you so bad
And see the same sun rising
I miss you so bad
And turn the hour hand back to when you were holding me.

Because I know it’s not forever — it may feel that way now, but it’s only a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things really. And when you find someone who makes you feel special and beautiful and important and most importantly wanted and loved, wouldn’t you do anything to be with them? Even if it means living 1200 miles away for a while? At least we have cell phones and video calls and the internet. I don’t even want to think about how miserable this would be if I had to wait 2 – 3 weeks for a letter to come in the mail.

[HAND-WRITTEN LETTERS ARE ROMANTIC. IT LETS YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER KNOW YOU TOOK THE TIME OUT OF YOUR DAY TO THINK ABOUT WHAT TO WRITE TO THEM AND ONLY THEM. IT’S A DYING ART AND NEEDS TO MAKE A COME BACK. I PERSONALLY, LOVE GETTING SNAIL MAIL, JUST THROWING THAT OUT THERE.] 

But back to the song, I cried because it mirrored my current situation so much. I know I’ll get to see him soon (56 days 2 hours 47 minutes, but who’s counting?). But there are days it just feels like time is standing still. And those are the days when I want nothing more than to live in the memories, hopeful for when we’re reunited. It’s not much to go on, but it’s gotten me this far and I’m not about to give it all up now. I’m still holding out for the fairy tale, we just seem to be in the opening chapters at present time. But every story has to start somewhere I guess…