Tag Archives: spring

Becoming a Butterfly

31 Mar

Spring is a time of change. The snow melts. The days start to get longer. The trees bloom and the flowers awaken. And in no time at all, there will be butterflies.

I’ve always been fascinated with butterflies, not because of their colors or their grace, but because of the amount of change they endure in such a short lifetime. Within the span of a-couple-months, a Monarch butterfly will hatch from an egg, spend its days consuming leaves as a larvae (caterpillar), attach itself to the stem of a plant or branch as the pupa (while it undergoes 10 days of change in the chrysalis), until it finally emerges as an adult butterfly with mere weeks left to lay an egg to ensure the survival of the species before passing away.

Change does not come easy to me – it never has, and it doesn’t matter how big or small a change may be, it causes me to over think, over analyze and over worry. I would be a terrible butterfly. I’ve hatched from an egg all alone in the world. Is this plant I’m on safe to eat? What if my chrysalis detaches during a storm? Will I be strong enough to break out of this thing when it’s time? How will my wings know how to fly without being taught? What if I fall? Now I have to produce the next generation – that’s a lot of pressure!

It’s a really good thing I’m not a butterfly – I may have never made it out of the egg!

Just like the butterfly, I find myself in a season of change. I am taking steps to return to school to further my education, a goal I set for myself when I watched my mom graduate with her Master’s degree, the first in her family and the best role model I could have ever asked for.

Scott and I are also apartment hunting. Together we’ve looked at two apartment layouts at one complex, he looked at a different complex today before work, and I’ll look it over on Saturday. I’m ready to have our own place, but I find myself on a rollercoaster of emotions from excitement  to totally terrified.

More often than not these days, I wake with knots in my stomach and a pounding headache after nights of stressful dreams. I know I’m worried about finances and finding an apartment that is clean and in a safe neighborhood. But I’m also worried about me. Living in Florida for a year while on the Disney College Program was one thing, I knew when it ended I would be returning home, to my room, to my safe haven. Now, that’s not an option.

I don’t know who I am outside of these blue bedroom walls – they have been my sanctuary since I was 10 years old (but I should mention that when we built this house I was all about the pink frilly life, so the walls were baby doll pink). This room has seen me change from pre-teen to an adult woman. I have slammed the door after arguments with my parents, shared my deepest, darkest secrets with friends, and cried my heart out in here when a boy carelessly broke my heart. This room has seen many late nights finishing homework or finishing a book that I just couldn’t put down. I do my best thinking and writing from this spot on my bed, staring out the window at the post office and the great void beyond.

My room has changed with me, always adapting to my needs. From pink to blue, from Barbie dolls to mountains of mystery and romance books, and my embarrassing love of Billy Gilman to my new love of running races.

But as I look around, I notice how the room doesn’t feel as big as it once did. Maybe that’s because I share it now. Most of Scott’s belongings aren’t even in here, they are sitting in our front room downstairs waiting for a place to call home. Or maybe it’s because, like the butterfly who knows when 10 days have past and it’s time to emerge, I know the time has come to move on.

I doubt the butterfly ever thinks about what happens to the chrysalis it left behind. I, on the other hand, think about a time when this room will no longer be “my room.” One of my sisters will move in here. They have always shared a room and have been chomping at the bit for me to pick up and leave already. I can’t blame them, it is nice having a space all your own in the house. Whomever moves in will change the walls, redecorate and add her own personal touch to the space. I will be erased. Just a memory of yesterday. My safe haven claimed by someone new.

It may be silly to feel so attached to a room, but we are each unique and have our own quirks. Maybe you are attached to a specific coffee mug, car or jacket. Called it an adult version of a security blanket, it’s that one thing you can count on being there to pick you up and warm your heart. And soon, I will be walking away from mine. I think I will feel lost for a while, unsure of my footing in my new room. But I hope with time I will feel comfortable there.

Change is never easy, but in order to progress through life it is a necessary evil. And so it is at these late hours of the night I find myself praying that my wings will know how to fly because whether I want to or not, I’m changing into a butterfly.

Do you live for change or does every cell in your body fight for things to remain as they always have like me? Tell me your best tips and advice for surviving a season of change! I don’t know how many more rough nights and anxiety starting mornings I can take.

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Wordless Wednesday – 3/30/16

30 Mar

It smells like spring out here! 

 

Color Vibe 5K Run!!

27 Apr

I have been training for today for months now…. I have gotten countless blisters, come close to multiple asthma attacks running in the cold, and thought I was going to die as I pushed myself harder and farther than I would have dreamed possible a few years ago. But once I set my mind to something, I give it my all.

Today was the Color Vibe 5K — my sisters, my best friend and I made up Team COLOR WARRIORS! And colorful we ended up being….but I’m getting ahead of myself!

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The race was supposed to start at 9:00 AM, and we left the house in plenty of time! However, traffic was a NIGHTMARE! This was the first Color Vibe event held in this area and the event staff only hired 3 police offices to handle parking according to tonight’s evening news. They claim they didn’t know it would be so popular (9,000 participants, not including all the people coming to support and cheer on the runners). We ended up sitting in a long line of traffic for 20 minutes, not moving very far or fast, we never even made it back to where they were parking for the race. We parked somewhere else (along with other races who were clearly sick of wasting gas in the crazy ridiculous line) and walked back to the entrance.

I don’t know if this is how every Color Vibe works, but ours had heats leaving the corral every five minutes. We ended up in heat #4. When we picked up our race packets they came with color packets, but we all decided to save ours until the end of the race and go crazy with them. Well, one of the volunteers thought that wasn’t a good idea, so he came over to us and said “Too clean ladies” and sprayed us with yellow dust from what looked like a fire extinguisher, let me tell you, that kind of hurt!

I had two goals going into today’s race: 1. Don’t go into an asthma attack from all the color “dust” and 2. Get a PR (personal record) — time to beat 41:52 from when I participated in runDisney’s Princess 5K in 2011.

The race course was at a local fairgrounds. The terrain was a bit challenging at points, we started running on loose gravel, then pavement, then grass, then dirt and everything else in between. There were a couple of times I was worried I was going to twist my ankle because when I set my foot down the rocks under my shoe shifted throwing me somewhat off-balance. Then there were the hills and hairpin turns in the course — you really had no idea what you were going to come to next.

The color stations were AWESOME! The volunteers were amazing, yelling encouragement and cheering us on! But as great as they were, they had nothing on our own cheering section! Our parents, our Aunt Khris and our cousin Mandy (who is ready to have her first child ANY DAY NOW) all came to cheer us on! They were there to take pictures at the starting line and to celebrate with us when we finished! It was so great seeing them as we ran past, knowing they supported us and believed in us! It meant so much! I LOVE the support of my family! They are wonderful and without them I’d be lost!

I am proud to say, I accomplished both of my goals!

Finishing time — 30 minutes even!! I took 12 minutes off my time!

While on the course, I thought I was going to die and that I was going so slow. I had to walk a few times since I accidentally breathed in some of the dust and it KILLED my lungs and pace. I was very grateful one of my little sisters, Megan, stayed with me. She kept me focused and motivated and pushed me to keep going. I did feel bad because I knew I was slowing her down, but I was very glad she was there. My other little sister finished with a time of 28 minutes — you ROCK, Macayla! My best friend finished with a time of  36 minutes!

When we all finished, we went to town with the color packets. I don’t think there was any white left, which was the point! We are already planning crazy costumes for next year!

But….before that, I’ve got another 5K to run next Saturday at Walt Disney World, so stay tuned dear readers, more running excitement to come! In the meantime, enjoy some crazy photos from our colorful running adventures today!

Wordless Wednesday – 4/3/13

3 Apr

Flip flops anyone?!

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Wordless Wednesday – 3/27/13

27 Mar

Spring? I think not!

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